In a culture where men and women are arbitrarily divided into categories based on physical gender, and different values are placed on the roles assigned to them, it is no wonder that few of us are able to discover our full potential as human beings. The history of our culture has been well documented by some great researches and writers. Among them is Reine Eisler with her books, "Sacred Pleasures" and "The Chalice and the Blade". Body image and self-esteem issues are symptoms of a larger problem in which the roles of one half of our species are valued more than the other, and the roles for both are imposed on the individual by our mass beliefs. I feel it is very important to recognize that our problems stem from a thought system that holds us all down, as opposed to the idea that men hold women down. There is nothing to be gained in blaming either church, or men, for the inequity between the sexes. We can examine how we got here, and find many useful lessons, in fact, being aware of our history is the best way to avoid repeating the same mistakes. However, we can also get stuck in the middle by placing blame.

I have read a great deal about the evolution of patriarchy and the attempted obliteration of matriarchy and goddess based spirituality, but when I read "Sacred Pleasures" I found myself shocked to realize that I hadn't extended myself to see the possibility of another alternative. Eisler discusses the differences between a dominator model of society and a partnership model. It appears that matriarchy can be as much of a dominator model as patriarchy. She points to new interpretations of artifacts from the Minoan culture that indicate a society where a partnership model, including equal value placed on the unique and diverse abilities of the sexes, were the norm.

At some point in our lives, many of us get the message that we are notably less than perfect. These messages may come from family, friends, school, media, or religious heritage, etc. We form our beliefs about who we are, and our role and value in society, based on what we absorb as we grow up and as adults. Many of these beliefs relate to our bodies. If we believe that we are our bodies... if we look outside ourselves for approval and acceptance... if our physical selves do not meet the requirements of what it means to be beautiful, and lovable, by our society's standards... we grow to hate our bodies, and therefore ourselves. We also learn not to trust in our own authority, and tend to be, and do, what we believe is expected of us. This is not exactly a situation where the divine uniqueness of an individual is able to shine.

To grow beyond the false negative beliefs we carry, we need new input in order to question what we have always thought of as reality. In the last couple of years I have followed many questions that came out of my experiences at the retreat "Ancient Echoes of Tribal Bellydance", which is offered by Paulette and Patrice each May. My conclusions were no doubt different from that of the other women present, so my interpretations are subjective. The primary lessons I'm learning have to do with the validity of the body, as an expression of the soul, or inner self... our inherent right to know ecstasy... and the reasons why it is so rarely experienced by women in our current society (or by men, for that matter).

In '97 Patrice told a group of women stories about the goddess Hathor. At one point she spoke of joy and ecstasy, and how difficult it is for someone who has been hurt, or has not been nurtured, to experience them. These ideas struck me to the core, and when I got home I immediately started researching. I wanted to know why I could tell you about my pain, anger, and fear, but couldn't tell you about joy. It soon became clear that this was very much connected to the fact that I am a bellydancer who does not dance. I realized that I may be living in this body, but I do not consciously own it, allow myself to know joy through it, or express my being with it. For some of us, including me, it takes a radical shift in consciousness to accept the idea that we are "OK" as is. And that we have, not just the right, but a responsibility, to share our uniqueness with the world. We do this through our every act, and we do it all with our bodies. If we do not like the bodies we live in, or feel they have little value, then expression through dance can be difficult.

I was first drawn to bellydance out of a nameless need. It took roughly 7 years to make some sense of what that need was, but when I did, I also found that what I was going through was fairly common among women of roughly 35 and older. At some point in our lives, many of us realize that we have been cut off from our unique nature. We then have to reclaim, and establish those lost parts of ourselves into our daily lives. The first dancers I saw seemed to have triggered something in me. I felt that this was the way to undo all the negativity I had accumulated. However, I wasn't looking deeply enough for real change to take place. I learned how to move in that intensely feminine way that is "bellydance", but didn't know enough to look at why moving this way is so transforming. At "Ancient Echoes..." I found the new input I needed, and started looking into what had happened to my sense of rightness in the world as a woman.

A kind of permission, we either do, or do not, give ourselves and others, to be the most we can be, seems to be the critical ingredient. Delilah, in Seattle, Washington brought this up during a private lesson I had with her last July. Following that class many elements from my reading and self study started coming together. The greatest impact came with the realization that we have what amounts to a cultural bias against being "too happy", or liking ourselves "too much". We also learn that there is not enough to go around and we have to fight to get ahead, and only the very few lucky ones who fit society's current standard of perfection will find love. Many of those who are not so lucky are found among the statistics for bulimia, anorexia and substance abuse. However, more of us just go through life struggling as best we can to be "somebody", while at the same time, fearing that it would be some deep sin if we were to succeed, because someone else will fail.

How different would our lives be if all aspects of human consciousness were valued regardless of the age, race, gender, sexual orientation, or appearance of the body any given soul lived in? How different would our lives be if it were commonly understood that there is room for everyone to reach their full magnificence? I know that, for me, part of the answer to those questions is that I would no longer feel it is preferable to play "small". I would move more, make more noise, love, laugh, and cry, in a higher gear, and I would be a bellydancer who DANCES. I am also quite sure that the creative energy available to people who are not in fear of not being today's ideal, or clinging to old pain, or worrying about the future, could literally transform the world.

Each and every one of us can make a significant contribution to a radical growth in our culture. We must use our ability to choose to be happy regardless of our circumstances, and to love ourselves while we are in the continuing process of becoming. We also must give ourselves, and others, permission to be magnificent, and share our gifts freely. I have had too few experiences in the unique community of Tribal Style Bellydance, but hope to change that soon. Nowhere else have I experienced an environment where women actively support each other in shinning fully, without guilt.

Following is a list of wonderful books that I have found helpful.
Sacred Pleasures, and The Chalice and the Blade by Reine Eisler
The Crone, and A Woman's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets by Barbara G. Walker
Woman's Bodies, Woman's Wisdom by Christiaine Nothrup
A Woman's Book of Strength, and A Woman's Book of Power by Karen Andes
Sweat Your Prayers by Gabrielle Roth
When the Drummers Were Women by Layne Redmond
Reviving Ophilia by Mary Pipher
All books by Jane Roberts and Seth
A Woman's Worth, and A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson